My ability to make friends is an amazing thing. I can make friends at the drop of a hat. The issue comes when I try to keep friends. I believe everyone is good. I accept them at face value. However, when proven wrong I can become an instant bitch.
I have no tolerance for someone who is a fly by night friend. I have no tolerance for the rainy day friend. By that, I mean the person who only comes to you on the rainy days of their life. The friend that uses you up and tosses you to the sea.
Rainy day friends are the ones you hear from only in crisis. If they are in crisis, you will get a call, a text, or a private message from them. That message will layout their drama in detail. You will read it and you will respond. That's what you do. After awhile, you don't even have to read it. As soon as you see who is making contact with you, you have your standard answer ready. You are on autopilot by this time.
The problem with rainy day friends are as follows. While they expect you to be ready at a moments notice to crank up your tug boat and tow them to calmer waters, they will never do the same. After a few months at sea with this type of friend, you soon realize it's a loss cause. It's at that moment that I cut the tow rope and watch them drift away into the sunset. I have no tolerance for this type of person.
There is also the type of friend who is in your boathouse all the time. The friend that is in constant contact with you. They need to know every detail of your life. Did you pee well this morning? Have you had coffee? Are you having coffee? What color did your cat shit today? I promise you I have plenty of these friends in my life. They last about two seconds before I'm rowing the other direction as fast as I can. These people will sink your ship faster than an iceberg sinks the titanic.
So, many people have come and gone in my life that I sometimes think it was just not meant for me to have a bestie. I think I'm really ok with that. While I have some of the greatest friends in the world, none of them are next door or down the street. My friends are scattered all over the country. I have a safe harbor in just about any state I wish to sail. However, not one person is where I can pick up the phone and say "I'm walking over for coffee.". Does that make me weird? I worry about that at times. I worry that there is something seriously wrong with me. Then I remember.
I once had those people. They stabbed me in the back so hard and so deep I will never recover. I don't even try to recover. The rehabilitation from that one attack would take so long it's just not worth the effort.
I'm happy just taking my little oars and rowing my big boat as fast as I can.
Do you have near and dear BFFs that live close to you? If so, what do you do that makes it worth my effort to try?
Until next time